Sunday, April 1, 2012

Public-Presentation-Audience

My Audience was myself. When I am alone, I use a small magnifying mirror to look at my face and all it's growing amount of flaws. I usually start with the intention of plucking my eyebrows, but when I get bored of that, or one certain hair is particularly painful, I move on to other regions of my face. Usually the first thing after eyebrows is forehead wrinkles. this is because when I pluck, I raise my eyebrows creating creases in my forehead. When I see those, I usually grimace causing my nose to crinkle and highlight more wrinkles. This is about the time that I get overwhelmed with self hatred and decide not to leave the house, ever. As long as I'm down, I start to kick myself. I move on to my teeth. I have hated my teeth ever since I was 8 years old and the two front teeth were huge and pretty much the only teeth I had on the top. I will use my magnifying mirror to check out the stains, chips, my one extra crooked tooth, and check for food particles. Looking at my teeth, I see my bottom lip. It is almost always chapped and peeling. So I pick at it. Until it bleeds. So I move on. Next up is my chin, which has started to grow dark hairs. Awesome :(  Pluck! Agoraphobia creeps in...

At the end of my presentation, a classmate complimented me, saying I looked nice today. I grimaced and said, "Oh, thanks. I look like crap". Normally I wouldn't say that out loud, but I said it for the performance so that the audience would know what I was really thinking. Recently I posted a photo of myself on Facebook, and a couple of people posted comments saying I looked good. I was racked with insecurities, thinking, "Are they being sarcastic?". So for the purpose of presenting to the class what I think when I receive a compliment, I rejected the compliment verbally.

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